I know some may think this was either weird or awesome, but two years ago, I decided to start a journal to my future husband just sharing quotes, everyday struggles, and where I am in my daily walk with God. Some of you ladies out there are thinking this girl is crazy, and yes I know that, but it has helped me a lot to not pursue after man but to let them do the pursuing. Journaling to my future husband, reminds me to be patient and that God is preparing someone just right for me.
Being in love is a wonderful feeling, but being single is not the end of the world. Being single has given me a chance to grow to be the best I can be and learn who I am as an individual. It is easier said then done, but man has it been a blessing to take a step back and evaluate things. Relationships are not an easy task. It takes time, commitment, and unconditional love. I know I have been guilty of this, trying to find the right one instead of trying to be the one, but it is important to be patient. You don’t want to end up with someone that is not wanting the same things in life as you are striving for. You want someone that will encourage you to grow in every aspect of the relationship. Sometimes when you least expect it, God places someone in your life that is the one. But who am I to be giving advice on relationships. #definitelynotexperienced
So the question becomes how do I know who my future husband will be? I don’t, but I can answer what qualities I want my future husband to have. The list is pretty long so bear with me. I just cannot settle for less than what I deserve. My desire is for my future husband to love God with all his heart, mind, soul, and strength and consistently trying to become more Christ like in his everyday walk. To see a man so captivated by God’s presence makes me strive to become a better person and that is what I want in a marriage. I want my husband and I to grow so close to God that we have no room for fears, worries, and junk the world may feed us. A man that is not afraid to stand up to whats right and knows exactly what he wants in life when it comes to his dreams and ambitions. I want someone that I can laugh uncontrollably with and crack jokes that aren’t even funny yet he still tends to laugh. Cannot get enough of laffy taffy jokes. They get me every time. A man who knows my worth and treasures me like he would his own mother.
To be a family man is something that makes me just scream with joy. Family is so important to me that I would rather have a husband with no teeth than for him not to get along with family. He would have to become accepted and approved by every single one of my siblings, relatives, and parents. That shows so much respect and tells me a lot because that’s a lot of questioning and drilling from them. I want someone who can sit around the dinner table with his family and mine and share old stories and family traditions. I want a husband that I can trust to tell anything and everything too, no secrets to hide, a husband who will love me even if I was to gain 5 or 10lbs, wear sweats, hoodies, ponytails, and no make-up. #teamallnatural or #teamdontcare For him to tell me I am beautiful and loved daily, speaks so much volume. I want a husband who is not afraid to hurt my feelings and tell me when he thinks I am acting like a brat. To have a husband to share life with and never stop learning from is what is desired.
I know that marriage is hard work and if we are both in it and committed, I know we could conquer any of the obstacles that come our way. I want my husband to be willing to grab my hand and walk me through life cherishing and reflecting on the good and the bad that life has to offer. Life is for sure not easy, but when God is present and known in a marriage, life becomes a little more easier. I pray that whoever my husband is, that he just is willing to trust God in everything and work through struggles rather than giving up. The idea of divorce is scary to me and I hope that day will never come where I would be faced with this choice. For better or worse. Rich or poor. Sickness and health. Till death do us part.
One day when we start a family, I would want my husband to be the best dad he can be. I want a man who is willing to do all the dad things: teaching our kids how to ride a bike, to hoop, and talk to them about girls. Teach them how to become a man, have the sex talks, and fill him with knowledge only a father can teach. My future husband should probably learn how to become a little sensitive when it comes to my baby girls. I want our girls to know that they are beautiful and valued. That they are their daddy’s little princesses. I pray that my children can trust to tell or ask their father about anything. I hope they can all look back and say one day that they had the best role model and dad anyone could ask for. The tenderness of a father brings tears to my eyes just talking about it because I know that our children will grow up knowing the love and passion that my husband and I had for each other. I pray that he will love his children with all his heart and cherish every moment with them.
I hope to grow old with my best friend if it is God’s will. I want to experience what true love actually means. Too many times the word love itself, is overused. I want a love that is so genuine and authentic, one that is shown not just by words but through everyday actions. As we read in 1 Corinthians: love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Now this right here is unconditional love!
When I love I love hard. I want someone who is willing to love me for my weirdness and how big of a dork I am. Can we please be weird together no joke? Or have days where we have lazy days and just watch movies and order in pizza or Chinese. I am just a big girl who loves to eat ALL THE TIME. I wanna travel the world and try new things. Can you hold me when I am struggling to hold it all together, and kiss me goodnight? I wanna love so strong that when people look at us they see the love of God shining through us. I pray that God continues to transform me to be that godly woman that I have the potential to be during this season in my life. Being single isn’t bad, it’s what you make of it. I have been using this time for sure to grow closer with God and one day he will bless me with that special person that will make me the happiest girl alive.
I know I am weird, just embrace it with me. Here is a passage from my journal that I wrote to my future husband dated December 29, 2011.
Dear future husband,
Wouldn’t it be weird if God had us both meet sometime and we not even know we were going to marry each other? What if we were going to the same school now. That would be crazy, but you know the man upstairs does some pretty wonderful things! What if I married by best friend or one of my close friends? I always wonder what God has planned for me and that future He wants for me. I cannot wait for the day I actually get to call you my husband. You are in for one crazy wild ride and you will have the best times of your life. I made a vow and a promise to you and God that I will wait and stay pure until I was married to you. I am so glad that I can share this gift of love with you. Marriage is meant to last forever and I want our marriage to last forever and ever. I want to make you happy and I just want to be loved, hugged and kissed. I will try my best to be the best wife, friend, and companion to you. I want you to be able to trust me and feel like you can tell me anything. I will try to listen and share my thoughts and opinions with you. I will love you even when you are being a jerk. When we decide to have children I will try to be the best mom I can be. I know I will mess up and fail sometimes, but I know you will be standing beside me encouraging me. Praying for you daily.
Love always and forever, your future wife.
Love is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God.